At the time of writing, the most recent government guidance on weddings is a rather vague '15 people'. Understandably this has left many couples (myself and my partner included!) frustrated and upset about their upcoming nuptials, feeling like the happiest day of their life has been ruined.
I won't hide the fact that I think this is a ridiculous rule when pubs, restaurants and shops are all open and you can have 30 people at a funeral or GROUSE-SHOOTING, for god's sake. However we can't change it so I thought it would be useful to share some tips and info I've discovered while planning (or I suppose re-planning) my socially distanced wedding.
Before I start, what does '15 people' actually mean?
- It DOES include the bride and groom.
- It DOESN'T include anyone who's working at the venue - the venue staff, the photographer/s, the registrar/s, musician/s etc. (Anyone else thought about hiring their loved ones as waiters and waitresses?!)
- So really it's you, your partner and 13 guests.
Do what you and your partner want to do.
The most common question I've been asked during this (pretty stressful) time is, 'Aren't you going to postpone it again?' No. We just want to be married now. If we were to postpone, we would be doing it for the guests, not for ourselves, and though obviously we care about our guests and want them to be there, the most important thing for us is to get on with our lives.
You might be feeling completely the opposite way and be thinking you absolutely can't cut your guestlist down to 13 people which is entirely understandable. It was hard enough for us to cut our guestlist down and we only have 3 grandparents, 3 parents and 1 sibling between us. For those of you who have multiple siblings and 2 pairs of parents and grandparents ... I just can't imagine how hard it must be. Then there's those of you for whom it is the cultural norm to have hundreds of people at a wedding that takes place over several days - I'm sending you virtual cuddles and good thoughts.
If you want to postpone your wedding and people start to complain, then politely remind them that the people who have most reason to complain are you and your partner. (And maybe, if people are complaining, those are people you can slice off the guestlist... just sayin'.)
Plan for bad news.
No one wants to think about it but there's always the possibility of local and national lockdowns, or the government guidance around weddings changing again. At one point, weddings were banned entirely. Talk to your partner and your venue about what you want to do if, god forbid, any of this stuff happens. Try to come to terms with the fact that it might happen and make sure you've got wedding insurance in place.
Another thing I'm probably going to do is to self-isolate for 2 weeks in the run up to the wedding. There is no way I'm cancelling my wedding because of cold symptoms.
Allow yourself to be upset.
Lots of couples have reported feeling guilty for feeling sad about the fact that their wedding has been postponed or shrunk down. #firstworldproblems is a really unhelpful adage at this point. You are allowed to be disappointed. Many of us have been dreaming about our perfect wedding day since we first saw Cinderella stepping out in her wedding dress and taking Prince Charming's hand. A lot of time and money will have gone into your wedding process and it is perfectly acceptable for you to be sad/frustrated/angry/want to punch Boris Johnson.
Don't dwell.
You're allowed to be upset but dwelling on the problem won't help things. At the end of the day, you can only work with the government advice you've been given. I won't say to focus on the good in the situation because at times that can feel impossible, but try to focus on the things you can control. I haven't yet spoken to our registrars so am unsure on this, but I believe my guests have to wear face coverings throughout the ceremony but Jack and I do not. So I'm focusing my attention on my skincare routine and practising different wedding make-up looks until I find the perfect one for my big day.
I hope this was helpful and am sending big hugs to anyone feeling down about their ceremony. If you're anything like me, you may not even be looking forward to your wedding day anymore, which in turn can make you feel guilty. For me, I'm finding myself stuck in a spiral of stress, which causes dry skin, which stresses me out because I'm so close to my wedding, which causes dry skin... and so on.
The moral of the story? Try not to stress! Eventually you will get married, and most importantly, cake isn't cancelled.
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